Arse By-Pass

Fur a wheen o' years there's bin a wile lat o' fashin' aboot the Dungiven traffic situation. It saims that the guid folk o' that toon arnae tae happy aboot the amount o' motors gae'in through it an' hiv demandeded a by-pass. This his caused consternation amung some archaeologits, fur the pruposed new road gais wile close tae a cupple o' histerical things. We here at 1690 hiv bin examinin' the new road plan an' hiv come tae the fallyin' vaguely archaeological conclusions, which we will persent in a consultin' fashun til the roads minister boy.

Yin: The current road his bin used fur a wile lang time. It is, in effect, the traditional troute, an' til bend it aboot wid be messin' wi' the Queen's Highway. That is an inhearantly wrang thing.

Twa: The road as is gaes past the Orange Hall (the buildin' wi the steel windaes in the middle o' toon). Divertin' it wud remove the Orange Order frae thar central place at the heart o' the Dungiven community.

Thrie: The new road will pass wile close til Dungiven Priory. The chancel o' this yoke contains a tomb carved wi' Glasgowglass warriors. These were a fine body o' Ulster Scots who (it saims) fought mainly ootside pubs.

1690 Preposal: Professor Wullie McIlveen (o' the University o' Mid-Antrim) reckons that ploughin' through archaeological territry fur the sake o' a by-pass is wrang. Instied the roads boys shud tak thar bulldozers straight through the middle o' Dungiven an' stick in a through-pass (laivin' the Orange Hall be). Accordin til Wullie, this wud kill twa birds wi' yin stone, but I amnae tae sure whit he means.

Pole

The dodgy prevert pole ended in a draw betwain horse an' thing. Over til youse Englis folk til sort that yin oot.

Personally ah think yis awl naid help.